When I spoke at April’s service, I told a small story of mine and April’s private lives together. I want to put it down in writing on the blog, too, just in case you weren’t able to make it to her service.
“Honey, what turns you on?”
Being a typical guy, I asked the above question of April early on in our marriage. April just loved a good biology conversation, and so I felt sure I would get a great answer to my rather pointed question.
April smiled and put her hand on my forearm, and said, “Your best bet is always out of the way romantic acts, Sugar.”
Out of the way romantic acts? I tried not to look disappointed or too confused, and said with as much charm as I could muster, “That sounds nice, Honey…what, exactly, are out of the way romantic acts?”
April smiled again, kissed me and said, “you’ll figure it out, Sugar.”
OOTWRA (Note to self that you’re welcome to adopt, too)
April was a private person, as am I, so I’ll leave the intimate details of the above pursuit of knowledge cloaked in a cozy little blanket of mystery. But I do have more to say on the general approach to ‘out…romantic acts’ (OOTWRA).
This being a Note to Self is simply me saying that I’m not asking or suggesting that you live this way, or that you aren’t already living this way yourself. This is just me reminding me what I already know, and choose to live by.
OOTWRA is not just a way to get in the pants of a mate. What I learned from April is that it’s a way to show your love for all sorts of different people, situations and things. And the result of putting OOTWRA into your interactions with others is that you get lots and lots of love, and the pleasure of deep, meaningful relationships with family, friends, co-workers — even complete strangers who you’ll never see again. And if you’re in business or service, treating your customers with a surprise OOTWRA every now and then is pure gold.
The “doing” part of OOTWRA is the easy part. The hard part is paying close enough attention to the other individual or situation to understand how you can give love, support and little kindnesses for others to accept and enjoy without any effort, stress, or worry on their own part.
But typically, even the hard part is easy if you’re really thinking about how to do something special for another person, and not how your actions are going to benefit you. You’ll come up with an OOTWRA with a minimum of muss and fuss.
No amount of money, attention or other tangible rewards will ever come close to the intangible wonders you’ll receive from applying this to your life among others — when and where ever you can.
OOTWRA for combating fear, pain and grief
Taking the OOTWRA approach is so very helpful and effective when you’re caring for someone who is in pain, or who is grieving, or who is afraid — because you’re helping that person to focus on and push their own personal happy buttons. You’re giving a gift of time, love and attention that is tailor made to make a loved one forget what ails her, and focus on what is good and pleasing.
In closing…
I would so love to hear how you have used OOTWRA in your own life, or how others have done them for you.
Love to all,
Mac
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My husband, Bill, likes to buy me flowers. . . always has. At times he has bought me more than one bouquet in a week. Not to sound ungrateful, but like anything, when there’s an abundance, you start to take things for granted. The impact just wasn’t as strong after a while. “More flowers. . . great. Thanks, hon.”
Once, we were arguing (about something stupid probably) while we were running errands. He ran into the grocery store and I waited in the car, stewing about whatever he had said to annoy me. After a while, I looked up, and saw Bill walking out of the store with a bouquet of flowers. When he got to the car and gave them to me, the card said, “For being you.” Putting your anger aside to let the person you’re with know you still love them (even when they annoy the heck out of you!) is always welcome, and certainly out of the way!
Ryan found random pictures somewhere on the Internet (imagine that) that included the phrase “You are beautiful” on them. For example, one picture is of a warehouse and on the side of the building it says “You are beautiful”. Another is a picture of a shopping cart with a label on the handle that says “You are beautiful”. Another one is a picture of a bed with “You are beautiful” written on the pillowcase – just completely random pictures with that phrase somewhere in the picture. He printed the pictures and he leaves them in random places (the dashboard of my car, the bag I take to work, in my luggage if I’m going out of town, etc) with a lovely note written on the back. They’re always a complete surprise and extremely thoughtful – they immediately make me smile.
Chalk up two for the guys who love to make their better halves feel well-loved!
My boyfriend and I hung up pretty valance curtains in Marsha’s office, and put beautiful big yellow mums in a glass of water on her desk. The mums are now 2 weeks old and still looking good.
I’ve been spending more time with my parents:)
I had a nice hot dinner waiting on the stove when my boyfriend got home from night school. I wanted him to come into a cozy, good smelling house and to feel the warmth of love.
I’m in the process of working on art to leave behind for strangers.
I received an OOTWRA out of the blue yesterday! An artist I interviewed last fall sent me an e-mail. It said, Hi Sir, Happy Birthday, Thanks, Sonia. That gave me some much needed giggles. I love absurdity:)
Oh yeah, I’m the type of person who waits until the absolute last minute to get up in the morning. Sometimes, when my boyfriend is still home, he will have a nice lunch & snacks packed for me:) He hands it to me on my way out the door. I get to feel that love and surprise throughout my day.
On the receiving end again! Two young former editors (one visiting from San Fransisco) from the now defunct EvaMag invited me to join them for a drinks at Barnes & Nobel. I was so pleased they thought of me:)
I made a Slytherin sticker for my boyfriend to put on his new (to him) grad student office door. He thinks his building looks like a mini-Hogwarts.