I was just looking through correspondence that April and I had in the last year before she passed. Nothing significant; we wrote about groceries, trips to the doctor, trips to see friends, parties that April wanted to have over the summer.
It’s so easy to feel like April is just right around the corner, in the other room. Even now, 8 months after she passed, it still feels that way. And when I read her words, it makes that sensation even more real to me.
Here are some pics of the yard – almost everything that’s beautiful and colorful is there compliments of dear April.
As you can see, my yard has turned out beautifully this year – the best it’s been since April and I bought the house in 2003. She really would have loved and enjoyed it; I like to think that she’s in and around the flowers and blooms, spring leaves and shoots – enjoying it all, and soaking it in.
I hope that your spring has been rejuvenating, full of new life and new joys. My love to all,
It’s a strange thing to offer thanks in April’s absence, but being thankful is such great medicine for being sad.
On this Thanksgiving weekend, I could try to justify feeling sad, angry and missing April terribly, or I could try to convince you that I’m just peachy – write up some mumbo jumbo about how happy I really am. But the truth is, I’m sad, angry, lonely, grateful, happy, and amazed by life – all at once. I could try to go back and forth between the two and come up with some conclusion in 500 words or less, but instead, I’ve decided simply to make a list of things that I’m thankful for.
Here goes:
Family
Friends
Every moment I had with April
The lovely Daisy May
Music
Art
The ocean (I’m sitting just a few dozen yards from the Atlantic as I write this)
A clear night sky
Clouds
A nice breeze
Creativity
Pain that makes you appreciate pleasure all the more
Funny movies
Lost (the TV show – I’m totally addicted)
Doctors
Good professionals of all sorts
Air travel
Places I haven’t been
Good food
Good cooks
Comfortable furniture
Gadgets
The Internet
My computer
Sharing this blog with you
Trying new things
Getting better at things that are old hat
Keyboard shortcuts
Nice clothes
Comfortable clothes
Playing with my nephews
Playing in general
Grass
The seasons
East Tennessee, and South Knoxville in particular
My neighbors
Rainy afternoons
Mountains
Opportunities
Entrepreneurship
YouTube, Google Wave, and other cool websites
Emerging science and technology
Higher education
Sunshine
Love
Fast computers
Muscle cars
Good books
Libraries
Living in the USA
Funny stories and jokes
Laughing
A good adrenaline rush
Being quiet
Interesting new people
Conversation
Hope
Joy
Optimism
Truth
Justice
Holidays
Doing for others
Receiving gifts
Surprises of all kinds
Waking up feeling good
Architecture
The conquest of business
Texas Hold ‘em
All those who I loved and have past
Soft kisses
Completing projects
Starting anew
Dreaming big
Noodling
Forgetting how to be unhappy
A good cry when no one is around
Wonder at the achievement of others
Philosophy
Trains going by
Small kindnesses
Soft light
Naps
A good night’s sleep
Being able to say ‘no’ when I know that I should do just that
Saying ‘yes’ to everything that’s good
Holy places
Feeling God around me
Seeing the World getting better in so many ways
Knowing that one day, cancer will be a thing of the past.
I could go on, but I’m feeling warm and fuzzy, and ready for dreams and that good night’s sleep. I’m so very grateful for you.
Here is the story of macaroni & cheese, coleslaw and chocolate ice cream — three different comfort foods that played a role in two dear friendships. April and I met at Camp Wesley Woods in Townsend, Tennessee in late May of 1992. April was 17 that May – about to turn 18, and I was [...]
An Introduction to the Sucker Punch A sucker punch is one thrown when the recipient isn’t looking, and that’s how I’ve come to think of grief. When I was a kid, the sucker punch was a coveted asset of bullies and chickens alike, as it gave the bully an added edge over the kids they [...]
Last night, my Love, we were swimming in the ocean below the gentle swells, the Moon turned down low. “Don’t be afraid of the Hydromedusae,” you said to me softly. “See? They don’t sting.” I agreed with a nod and reached for your hand, while whales sang bass medleys, and the Hydromedusae said “Your money is [...]
Dear friends and family – here are some pictures of April that I love and wanted to share with you. If you have pictures of April that you love and would like to share them with me — with everyone who reads the blog — please do. If you don’t know how to post them [...]
I was just thinking about the strange way little things sneak up on you when you’re grieving for the loss of someone to whom you were very close. It’s an odd thing to be OK, then open a drawer and suddenly find yourself crying over an almost-empty Super Glue. Every nook and cranny has something [...]
When I spoke at April’s service, I told a small story of mine and April’s private lives together. I want to put it down in writing on the blog, too, just in case you weren’t able to make it to her service. “Honey, what turns you on?” Being a typical guy, I asked the above [...]
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How to Fight the Unknown with Courage, Love, Optimism, and (the secret weapon) Grace [NOTE from Mac - Ryan is a dear friend who, after I asked if anyone else would like to write a post, wanted to share his thoughts on mine and April's story. It would be awesome to live up to these [...]
